Coming home was so weird. As we went down the escalator in the airport and saw all the family, friends and prayer partners who had come to welcome us home, I was so happy and grateful for everyone who had held us up in prayer through the week. I was welcomed back by so many parents and friends, each one giving me a huge hug, and after all our suitcases had been claimed, I didn't want to leave.
Since then, I've been pretty up and down. Almost immediately in the car ride home, I felt swamped by the demands and concerns of my everyday life as my mom filled me in. The week had gone by so fast, but I didn't realize how much I had gotten away from at home. I felt discouraged, having to return to everything that was waiting for me at home. Pretty soon after we got back, my family went to bed, leaving me alone in the house, tired, but not feeling ready to sleep yet. I started feeling pretty lonely, missing the teammates and leaders I had left only a couple of hours earlier, the spiritual high that was alive in our group, and being away from the problems and stress at home. I felt pretty lost, not knowing what to do with myself in my house that now seemed huge compared to Annie & Joe or Erika's FEMA trailer.
I still can't believe the trip's over—we'd been preparing and getting excited for it for months, and now it feels like it's come to a dead halt. But I know God's working in me to use this trip to change my heart and to make it a "short term mission for the long haul." I'm trying to stick to the 3 rules we went by in New Orleans, but it's definitely a lot harder with my family than it was with the team. I know I'm vulnerable right now to snapping at my parents and siblings because I'm still putting pieces together emotionally and experiencing some shell-shock, but I'm praying about that and working to keep it all together.
I heard the song "The Twenty-First Time" by Monk & Neagle for the first time today, and it pretty much matched up to my personal experience in New Orleans. The song is about seeing people hurting and in need, but ignoring their needs again and again. The chorus says, "He may be a drifter, he's grown old and gray; but what if it's Jesus and I walk away? I say I'm the body and drink of the wine, but I pretend not to see him for the 21st time."
I don't want to be a Christian who gets so wrapped up in my own self-centeredness that I miss the people in my own life who need to see Jesus. The last verse is something I discovered on the trip: "This is a call for a change in my heart; I've realized that I've not been doing my part. When I needed a savior I found it in Him, He gave to me, now I'll give back to them." A big thing that I think our team discovered this week was that helping people out like we did isn't just a nice thing to do, it's something we're supposed to do; something Jesus called us to do. I'm so glad we had this opportunity, and I'm still praying for our transition back to our lives in Maine, and for all the people who are in need back in Louisiana.
-Heather Erdmann
